Untouchable Online

1. Never, under any circumstances, take sleeping pills ans a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you Christian anymore than stanging in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artifical intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep with one glance.
7. Not a shred of evidence supports the notin that life is serious.
8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (Thies very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot for while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going then coming
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

heh

very true